JUNE 4TH... or there about

"Life is what happens while you are busy making plans"

I heard this years ago and I liked it.  It is true for me because I like to have a road map of every thing that is going on.  I want to know when and where and KNOW what to expect.  I had already looked forward a few years from now when kids are all at school, house would be CLEAN (what is that... yeah I don't know but I was going to find out), and I could take a nap, go shopping ALONE, to lunch, to the temple.....

I always KNEW that I would have four kids.  I hate odd numbers and four was just the ideal for me.  Nobody gets left out.  Nobody is the odd one, 2 and 2... PERFECT.  Right? 

But, things never go quite how I plan, despite planning and premeditated preparation. We are expecting baby #5 in June. NOT throwing baby BOY in there YET... have to have hope!

When I found out Jared was yet another boy it was really really hard but I finally came to terms and had closure that my family was done, we have all boys and it is OK!   I think it is helping this time around that I would of course like a girl but am totally OK and expecting another boy.  HOWEVER... I am having a really hard time with wrapping my head around FIVE.  I got rid of all my maternity and nursing stuff.  Donated a lot of my baby stuff to DI and such.  I did hang on to a lot because I was hoping my brother would have a boy and want my stuff... so I guess that was a blessing.  It kind of happened fast and is a powerful testimony of personal revelation and God's will be done.  I started having thoughts oh I don't know like 6 months ago about another baby.  SO I started being very vocal about being done and that was probably when I got rid of a lot of my stuff and just really was like NO WAY!!!!  But, thoughts creep in and I shove them out.  I was sitting in Sunday School and the teacher said Personal revelation is usually something we wouldn't normally do or choose to do.  That is a good indicator of coming from the Spirit and not our own thoughts.  I started crying right then!  Aaron thought I was nuts because I hadn't said anything to him yet so when he got home I approached the dreaded topic.  He said I don't think so I haven't felt that way.  So, I sighed a big relief and was like OK, phew!  But I got sick the following week and in a blessing was told that there was another spirit that needed to come to our home and was just waiting for us.  LOTS AND LOTS of tears from both of us and 6 weeks later found out I was pregnant.  So, here we go.  Down a path that I didn't want to take.  I watch the years add up again.  FIVE more years of kids at home, one more time hanging over the toilet for weeks on end, getting fat and trying again to loose it.  Another dreaded delivery since mine always seem to have something go wrong!  And another year of baby stage that I had said GOODBYE too.  It has been hard to have a good attitude when I feel so sick and didn't want to do this.  But, I went to the doctor Friday and when I heard the little heartbeat I realized that this is not up to me.  This is a life, a child of God that needs to come to Earth.  It has a mission to fulfill and needs a family to love and guide it.  I can do that.  I can sacrifice to help another little Spirit work towards their salvation. 

So, the last couple of days have been better. 

The boys had a variety of initial reactions when we shared our news.  Andrew's little brain works fast and he quickly calculated that 5 meant only ONE would get their own room.  He wanted a girl so their teams would still be even (assuming a girl would not want to play football... hummm) and then changed that it better be a boy so that he can still have his own room!  He asked for a room in the basement,

we said NOPE.

 

Landon looked at my tummy, looked at his dad, looked back at me and said "really?".  He has always wanted a sister, named Lexi, so he is very hopeful.  Too bad we are not naming the baby Lexi... boy or girl.

Trevor got a little grin on his face, looked at me and then started to cry.  He said "I just want Jared to be the baby".  I of course said "me too buddy".  Probably not the right thing to say but he got over it really quickly and is the most excited about the new baby.  We talk daily about how little it is and how slow it grows and how long until it will be born.  I think he kind of gets it but probably not.  He is a sweetheart and I am so glad he is excited.

Jared has no clue that his perfect little world is going to get rocked!  I hope he is as OK and accepting as the other three all have been when the next one came along.  I hope I haven't babied him too much!!!

Well, I think that the next 8 or so weeks are going to be so long waiting to know if we got our basketball team or if there is some pink coming our direction.  Either way, I am grateful for the GRACE of God to have the faith and trust in me to raise five of HIS special little Angels!!!!  And to know that He is a MAGNIFIER so I can be all that He needs me to be, all that they need me to be.